The Social-Emotional Shifts of Upper Elementary- The Awakening of a Heightened Social Awareness and More

The upper floor of our elementary school is a whole different world than the one experienced in preschool and lower elementary.  While ascending the stairs every morning leads to a new physical space, as a parent or caregiver of this age, you will also experience new psychological and social “spaces” with your children.

This summer I was able to travel back to Minnesota to visit my parents – they still live in my childhood home.   One evening when cleaning out my room,  I was thrown back into 4th grade to an interaction with my “best friend”.  Nearly 35 years later, I felt the same feelings I did all those years ago.  I had saved my own money to spend at the annual Book Fair – there was nothing I wanted more than the New Kids on the Block poster.  And of course my parents wouldn’t fund anything other than a book.  When the day came, I ended up making a different decision.  Instead I purchased a BFF pencil topper that I was going to give to my friend.  I was sure this would solidify my status as “Best Friend” – something that felt way more important than the poster I had wanted for weeks.  It turns out the opposite would be true – my friend threw the pencil topper in the trash along with my heart.  I was crushed.

I assume we all have had childhood experiences similar to the one above – and are, or will be, in the process of watching our children go through them as well.   The transition from the early childhood years to the pre-adolescent years is real – and big and challenging!  And, magical and amazing at the same time.  This transition is characterized by a few things:

• A heightened social awareness:  Kids are beginning to form more intricate friendships and becoming highly sensitive to social dynamics.   They begin to navigate peer pressure, group norms, and the complexities of social hierarchies.  Friends are at the center of their world, and the decisions they make are direct reflections of this.
• Developing empathy:  Kids start to understand and respond to the feelings of others more and more.  While this is crucial for building strong, supportive relationships, it also begins to influence decisions.  Kids are keenly aware of what peers will think about them and their actions – the feeling of being on stage constantly.  Insert the ever-present peer pressure here!
• Increased desire for independence: Pre-adolescent children desire doing things for themselves in order to feel successful and competent in society.  They are more attuned to their peers and less identified with their family circle.  “I don’t need your help” becomes a common phrase.  Occasionally, in their struggle to appropriately individuate, they can, at times, seem willful or defiant. 

To prepare and support parents in weathering these changes, BCD offers, as part of our Parent Education Series, time with an expert facilitator to learn about this stage of life and what their children are working through. Perhaps one of the most important things parents learn is that they are not alone.  That their child is NOT the only one feeling big feelings, experimenting with unkind words, and beginning to stretch away from the family unit.  Through open conversation, BCD can support parents in working together as we guide our students through the 9 year old shift.

Author – Randie Wirt, Head of Elementary